wiped his face top to bottom
"i'll have to just tell her, i guess," he said. "just up and say it, get it over with: baby, they ain't no christmas. and don’t give me no lip about it."
he wiped his face top to bottom, the saddest gesture i'd ever seen.
then he walked off into the side-blowing snow.
i was sad yet happy. i was drunk. i was deeply, deeply glad i wasn't him.
- george saunders, "chicago christmas, 1984," new yorker december 22, 2003
posted December 27, 2003 in printdisco is over, fag
my grandmother walked into the room as i was listening to this cd. she's all like, "disco is over, fag." so i try to explain: "no, nana, this is a new band. they're all about referencing house music and, uh, kraftwerk and stuff." then she lost her shit and backhands me. "it's fucking disco! it's fake music for douchebags! grow some balls!" after i finished crying, i decided she had a point.
- artie philie, review of vhs or beta's "solid gold remixes," vice january 2004
posted December 27, 2003 in musicforest nymphs go digital
just because my sleeve has a fractal twig diagram on it and my record sounds like chlorophyll bubbling in a wok, that doesn't give you the right to pen a review saying that "electronic music put in the hands of a woman becomes a more sensual and poetic medium." fuck you! one minute you're telling us we're ethereal, the next you're trying to grab our ass.
- jasmine cone, "leaf beats," vice january 2004
posted December 27, 2003 in musicwomen are stupid
how many times have you been with someone who, due to a total ignorance of how simple it is to beat off a dude, starts wrapping and winding her hand around your knob like a spastic ballerina on E trying to drive a stick shift?
- james sewall, "threesomes blow," vice january 2004
posted December 27, 2003 in sexjif will get you excused from military conscription
to prove his mental unfitness for duty in vietnam, frank zappa squeezed peanut butter up his ass prior to the draft physical. during the exam, he casually put a finger up his bum and then sucked off the brownness.
- absinthenyc, "the vice guide to shit," vice january 2004
posted December 27, 2003 in crap, music, print