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hoo boy has it been a while. i have no excuse. actually, i have an excuse, but i can't stand when people write things like "i was so busy living life that i didn't have time to write about it, and you know what? i didn't miss this blogging thing one bit" feels so lady doth protest too much, methinks.
mostly what i was living was getting the cranial kinks worked out of a hurtin' breakup and getting back into my own skin as a single 'mo with all sorts of personal and professional ambivalences. i remember being in a postcolonial lit class and reading homi bhabha's of mimicry and man: the ambivalence of colonial discourse and finding it, especially the way he broke down what it meant to be a mimic and to be ambivalent, so important, but now when i go back to it, it feels more annoying than anything else. grad school is one thing i feel ambivalent about with gre's not long off.
ipod makes the subway, walking home, the exercise bike, all pleasure. a good friend was visiting from san francisco week before last—we're the same age but she seems to be grown up more than me, with a serious girlfriend, better laid plans for schooling and the future, and she goes to bed before midnight. somehow it never hit me that people my age do that. i still like looking out my window at 1am and seeing one or two lights on in the complex across from me. that third world benefit thing i went to on 9/11—i didn't really talk about how awful it was, but it was awful. there's still an ingrained part of me that feels that republicans/the right are morally wrong, that part of their politics is based on disliking others' cultures or culture (as in creative practices) in general, but more and more, i read/see/hear things like that benefit and think maybe the left sucks too. maybe there are leftists that are selfish and stupid and repeat crap that they've had ingrained and don't think through problems and answers in all their complexity.
also, i took the foreign service exam. maybe i'll take dantewoo.com on the consular road and write you live from golgotha or wherever christiane amanpour is.
posted October 13, 2002 in delivery. 200320012000