the vice guide to gold digging
i want to stay at home and write!
trail behind him until you get to the local watering hole: the produce isle. there you can pounce on him with a line like, "how do you tell if eggplants are ripe?" after that it's an easy segue into how you are experimenting with a new recipe and won't he come over and try it? this trick is so easy that even straight people can master it. [...]"before going out on the safari, make sure your shit is pretty. shave those pits, put a little scent on yourself, and for god's sake do not go out in full slut gear. do yourself up nice like you shit pure milk chocolate.line that might work: "do you know where they keep the cocktail onions?"
lines that won't: "if i said you had a beautiful broccoli, would you hold it against me?" "i like my men like my canned beef stew: chunky!" "nice basket."
- camper english, "who needs the bars? want a good night's sleep? then hook up during the day!" instinct, march 2002
3. never hint at the same thing twice. don't ask for rent three months in a row. greediness will ruin a bitch."
- celeste arnold, "the vice guide to gold digging," vice volume 9 number 1
posted March 26, 2002 in delivery, print, sex