i guess it makes sense that this cd, of all cds, helps me get through the evening. because it's aaron copland, whose sound became what american music sounds like, or because it's well-played, simple piano music, which i miss having the opportunity to create myself, something about it is right tonight.
another healing day. hung out with my studboy. we woke up at noon, missing church which i'd meant to attend today but it's ok because i think i'll go during the week. we went to get $8 haircuts at the barber shop on st. mark's and 1st avenue, then had an even cheaper breakfast at polonia, a polish diner with a sunken-floor dining room. afterwards i took him to see the turtles that jami showed me yesterday on houston and bowery, then we ended up at tompkins square, reading and drawing and looking at people and looking at some of his illustration and photography work. i'm discovering how talented he is, which is really cool.
it feels good to do my stupid faggy brunches and complain about people and sit in the park and go to the gym and all these little things that i take for granted but make me feel like i have a neighborhood/community/whatev that now seem comforting and special.
below, one of the first semi-articulate emails i've been able to write to my family this week. even though today was healing, i teared up for the first time (go figure) thinking about my family and seeing, on cnn, that poster that says "have you seen my daddy?" with a little asian kid and his dad in a snapshot. my sister that wrote the responded-to email below—i can't describe how much i love and worship her and my other sisters—they, as much as anyone else, have been the role models when i think about the kind of man that i want to be. i'm glad tonight that she lives in a city that i don't think would ever get attacked.
> subject: RE: how are you?
date: sun, 16 sep 2001 23:13:20 -0400
from: me
hey p!
thanks for your email. i've been trying to get through to mom and dad all week, but sprint and verizon are just not holding up here. i'm ok, but an acquaintance of mine has been missing. he worked in the second tower on the 100th floor, so we're just waiting and praying, but it's pretty sad.
it was really quiet and creepy during the week, especially since my neighborhood was in the area south of 14th street that was barricaded and checking ids. things seem a little more normal after this weekend, and there's been an incredible response from the city, with the memorials and vigils and thank yous to the police and firemen, etc.
i guess the most frustrating thing now is realizing that nothing will be resolved quickly from here on out, and not knowing how you can best help. i made a donation to the red cross, but i can't donate blood because i'm gay, which is also frustrating. i just heard that they need database administration help from computer-savvy folks, so i'm going to see if that's something i could help with too.
thanks again for writing. as soon as i'm able, i'll be in touch with you guys on the phone, but don't worry about me at all and talk to you soon!
"p" wrote:
>hi ****,
>
>thanks for the e-mail. i've been trying,
>to no avail, to contact you via phone.
>silly me. i'm sure that things are not
>back to normal for you, but what's hap-
>pening in ny for you? mom would probab-
>ly like to hear from you if you can get
>a phone call out, i'm sure. if not, we
>all know that phone lines are jammed.
>
>hope you're okay, let us know if you
>need anything.
>
>love,
>
>p
>