28 october 2002

last night i did it. twice. both times involved the wacky tobaccy. and how type a am i? so type a that even after all of that, when i finally collapse in bed alone, i assume lying bound angle position. i can't even pass out in a heap, instead, yoga positions.

last wednesday, i forget why, but i had an icky dream. all i remember is that a dog and cat were in it, and i was convinced that the dog was hitting on me. boy do i need therapy.

on a less troubling note, there are two apartments opening in my building. it would bring me no greater joy than to welcome friendly, quiet, nonsmoking webheads into my humble 5-story walkup:

27 october 2002
10:34pm

the gross side effect of working up to 100 crunches in a sitting is that now, not only do i leave a big head-sized sweat streak on the bench, but it pours off the end and onto the floor. i didn't know there was that much sweat in my body.


27 october 2002
2:44pm

i forgot—i promised this to some peeps last night.


27 october 2002
10:59am

last night was just the kinda sat nite i needed. after a futile attempt to meet up with my little bro (he was at mcsorley's and sorry, but waiting in a line outside a straight irish pub full of nyu students? nigga please.), seeing good friends and making new friends (all these lovely folks in my 'hood, who knew?), discussing the ins and outs of relationships past and present, surprise wake-up blowjobs (google, you are my bitch), fucking straight guys up the ass, the insecurities associated with 3ways, the usual waxing and waning you do at a bar called dick's.

i have mtv2 on but everything is bad so i mute it and gingerly (my head is still throbbing from bud lites) place ipod earphones on and alternate between the two. i can't seem to stop listening to stuff like pitiful, she fuckin hates me, prayer, i feel fine—this is probably what middle school girls, like the ones that i used to have crushes on (when i was also in middle school, pervs) and who my mom was afraid would make me start smoking, listen to now. maybe this is what happens when you suppress the urge to download limp bizkit mp3s (again with the googling). i should be listening to the streets, or the strokes, or the vines, or some other "the" band. when my amazon shipment of cassius, poulenc, underworld, corigliano, and FUCKIN SAINT ETIENNE HAS A NEW ALBUM arrives next week, i'll be able to put the pieces back together.

till then, a quick rundown of last night's denizens, in alphabetical order just like thirtysomething used to do: andyschest. bazima. choire. jonno. mr trinity. neuroticjew. revolutionfreedom. sturtle. uffish. also, blogstalker is posting again and boy is it a doozie.

time for the gym, because i was dumb enough to book my first episode with my femme fatale danish trainer at 7am on thursday, and i gots to represent. well, maybe i'll watch martha's kitschen first. i really am kinda butch.

oh, and i seem to be dating again. had a crazy blind date on monday that brought up all sorts of ancient history. i'm still figuring out what to say/do/think about all of it, but y'know, if enquiring minds wanna know, holla back.

and one more thing: tattoo is scheduled for november 30, 4pm.


26 october 2002

wait, one more:

on the freeway, dick in her mouth, foot on the clutch
rude bitch, not givin a fuck
- jah rule, livin it up

25 october 2002

i got special ways to thank you
- kelly and nelly, dilemma

nipple-clamped opportunist
- radiohead, punch up at a wedding

my brother is in town for the weekend, so i met him and his friends at lakeside lounge (twice in a week, who'd a thunk it). they were drinking college beer, and i asked him if he was coming to nyc for christmas with the rest of the family. he said no and smiled and said they're sending me to the middle east. i kept cool because i know that everyone else in the family must be freaking out about it.

24 october 2002

i mean really—i shouldn't let myself near a keyboard sometimes.

i was on the subway and two studies in color boarded a few stops downtown. one was a good-looking redheaded girl. she had red hair, a good body, and a yoga mat that was almost the same red-orange color rolled up in her black bag. the other was a black girl in her early 30s with a short afro and pink workout pants and matching pink and white dkny sneaks.

remember back in the day when i would post pics of myself and take them down in 24 hours. i think i'll do that again, right now.




15 october 2002

i'm so stoned right now that i can't open my eyes all the way.
14 october 2002

the cold has dehumidified the weekend's monsoon, so now it feels crisp and autumnal again. tomorrow/this morning's supposed to be a beautiful columbus day, that i unfortunately gotta spend mostly inside since the markets are open today.

a few weeks ago i pulled an all-nighter at work. we were in the middle of making an offer to acquire another company based in europe, so i hung out with one of our p.r. girls while the lawyers battled over the phone until 6am when the press release was approved and had to go live on the u.k. site immediately. it sucked being there that long but it was kind of interesting and hardcore to listen to the president and ceo and such talking about whether they wanted to pay a few mill for this company and blah blah blah... writing about corporate m&a is probably a new low in weblogging but you wanna know what i'm interested in, right?

my friend chris had an opening last week at the new museum, and when a friend is having an art opening, you pretty much go—but i genuinely wanted to see what he'd been working on plus knew i'd get to catch up with some peeps. i attended with a friend who's also going through a breakup after a long relationship. over her red and my white (can't handle the sweating and headache i always get with red) wine we talk about rebounding, ask each other what we thought of online personals, friends going straight, new roommates, friends in common, awkward sightings and contact.

that's all i can remember for now, but i'll be back tomorrow.

13 october 2002

hoo boy has it been a while. i have no excuse. actually, i have an excuse, but i can't stand when people write things like "i was so busy living life that i didn't have time to write about it, and you know what? i didn't miss this blogging thing one bit" feels so lady doth protest too much, methinks.

mostly what i was living was getting the cranial kinks worked out of a hurtin' breakup and getting back into my own skin as a single 'mo with all sorts of personal and professional ambivalences. i remember being in a postcolonial lit class and reading homi bhabha's of mimicry and man: the ambivalence of colonial discourse and finding it, especially the way he broke down what it meant to be a mimic and to be ambivalent, so important, but now when i go back to it, it feels more annoying than anything else. grad school is one thing i feel ambivalent about with gre's not long off.

ipod makes the subway, walking home, the exercise bike, all pleasure. a good friend was visiting from san francisco week before last—we're the same age but she seems to be grown up more than me, with a serious girlfriend, better laid plans for schooling and the future, and she goes to bed before midnight. somehow it never hit me that people my age do that. i still like looking out my window at 1am and seeing one or two lights on in the complex across from me. that third world benefit thing i went to on 9/11—i didn't really talk about how awful it was, but it was awful. there's still an ingrained part of me that feels that republicans/the right are morally wrong, that part of their politics is based on disliking others' cultures or culture (as in creative practices) in general, but more and more, i read/see/hear things like that benefit and think maybe the left sucks too. maybe there are leftists that are selfish and stupid and repeat crap that they've had ingrained and don't think through problems and answers in all their complexity.

also, i took the foreign service exam. maybe i'll take dantewoo.com on the consular road and write you live from golgotha or wherever christiane amanpour is.

 

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