missed it. turn on. he asks if i'm ready to give it a shot (i've never wrestled before). us wrestling. i give it my best shot, and can feel it the next few days; pretty soon we're both sweaty, grunting, and i, in some little way, forget about having sex with this guy in favor of getting him pinned on the mat.

he smiles at my junior efforts; he's done this for a while, and is a good six inches taller than me anyway. attaboy. our clothes gradually come off, the pins get more drawn out. then, sex; as he's got me in a hold, i spin around and wrap my lips around his cock. it too tastes like sweat. we go on like this for a little while, him moving on his back finally as i go down as far as i can on him, sucking dick noisily on the wrestling mat.

pretty soon he's on top of me and pushing it ini am still in a frame of mind where this is like him pinning me, so i resistsort of. c'mon man ... no, it's not. big is better. i saw you getting hard when i pinned you. he flips me over. i'm trying to push him off me with my legs that are against his chest and shoulders. my mouth is dry when he bends down to kiss me. i wonder if it's because i'm scared.

no exchange of numbers. he's just back from asia. i pass madison square garden, empire state building, the high rise of another guy i got with. i have been in NY-fuckin'-City for less than a year and this is already happening?

i pass by a bar where, in january 1998, i wore my first power suit, giddy with the future with friends after we'd all just had our first job interviews. the house red for me, corporate rosy cheeks for her. i can feel dick inside me still. i wonder if i'm doing this shit just so i can write about it. feel it spewing out of me onto the dense hair of a man beneath me, in me.