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whenever i read an interesting/on-point/funny profile on friendster, i go back another day and they've changed it. so now i will copy and paste them, uncredited:
i've always wanted to create a tv show called "thank you for coming out and promoting yourself." it would be exactly as the name implies. average people, absolute nobody's taking up valuable airspace for the soul [sic] purpose of promoting what ever the fuck it is they feel like promoting. i'd be a guest and obviously promote myself. i'd talk about how cool i am. how i do everything artsy and i do it before it becomes "popular" and "mainstream" then i move on to something undiscovered. i'll be sure and stage the interview from my loft in the industrial section of town, because that's the only place that can handle all my creativity. i'll never refer to my loft as a loft, only space. i'd wear a white t-shirt with faded jeans and drink water with lemon slices from a old wine bottle i picked up at a vintage store in the east village... or was it prague, i can't quite recall. i'll sit against a brick wall in my space and talk about how i use to be corporate but then left to pursue my art and now i'm writing a book of gritty urban tales and a screenplay about the dark side of the non-profit industry. i'll quickly say i don't like to limit myself to one medium and writing is just something that i do right now. who knows what i'll be working on two months from now, maybe an installation piece. i'll say media is fast-becoming the opiate for the masses. i'll pepper my language with edgy buzz words like "anti" and "indie," right on" and "tapestry." towards the end of the interview i'll mention an obscure political cause in latin america. i'll take a dramatic swig of water from my vintage wine bottle and quote hemingway's philosophy of writing and suicide. i'll tell the interviewer i only type in lowercase letters, and i reject modern politics. i'll stop talking and slowly light up a cig (i only smoke nat shermans). i'll mention lucid dreaming and how powerful it can be once mastered. then i'll gaze out the window smoking my cigarette like the young and tormented artist that i am. i'm so intense! i'll look up at the sky and all the stars and pose a question not even carl sagan could answer. i'll take one last drag from my cig and ask the tv crew to leave so i can get back to my art.
posted January 20, 2004 in crap, delivery, print